27 April 2010, Selasa

Bloggie,,

In the middle of re-collecting my idea of a 'perfect life-mate' a.k.a. an ideal husband. Current circumtances force me to think and re-think about this thing again and again and again. Mmhh, many criterias appeared on my list, and after eliminating process the list become shorter and consist only:
1. a muslim with profound understanding about Islam
2. a confidence and independence man
3. a reliable one
4. a nice and lovable one
5. love me as his wife and mother of our children
Ituh ajah yang musti ada, titik.

Am I wrong for asking not less than that for my future husband and father of my children? am I wrong if I put that high standard? and am I wrong if I continuously searching for someone better since I found none of them in this one particular man even if he own many others good characters? did I already lose my chance to choose?
Yes, there's one nice guy who currently put an eye on me. I've tried not to count on his little flaws, but seems my heart still hesitate cause he still lack of most important characters. I can't relly on him. He repeatedly said he just want to support me, and indeed he tried so many times to do that, but still I can't find myself trust him. And how do they expect me to have relationship with someone who I can't trust?
Gw selalu berpikir salah satu tanda kalau seseorang itu adalah 'the one' gw pasti akan perjuangkan dia sampai kapan pun. Gw akan siap berkorban dan akan dengan senang hati susah senang dengan dia. dan sampai saat ini masih belum ada orang yang bisa membuat gw 'bergerak', dan membuat gw berpikir untuk membangun keluarga dengan dia. Karena buat gw hubungan antar manusia itu sangat pelik dan rumit dan juga ga bisa dibawa main-main, gw ga akan loncat masuk ke satu hubungan kalau gw ga yakin at least 85% kalau gw bakal mencurahkan perhatian ke dia. Kalau dalam hati gw masih terngiang kalimat, "yah, dicoba aja dulu, nanti kalo ada yang bagusan yah tinggal ambil yang bagusan kan??" gw jelas-jelas ga akan memutuskan untuk berhubungan dengan orang itu. Karena kalau gitu kan ga akan bagus dia dan gw.
Honestly, saat ini gw sedang ada dalam tahap bingung, bingung apakah gw menolak dia karena emang dia ga bisa meluluhkan hati gw, atau karena emang gw yang mati-matian ga rela kalo dia orangnya. I always pray, kalau emang dia orangnya semoga keragu-raguan ini di hilangkan, tapi jika memang bukan dia orangnya gw berharap semoga kami berdua dimudahkan untuk dapat bertemu dengan jodoh kami masing-masing. and since this doubt still there, I wonder...